If I only could, make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places.

Sometimes, I wish I were still fat. I wish I carried around the 189 pounds I lost at all times. I wish I were tired all the time. I wish for the high blood pressure, the heavy breathing, the fatigue, the awkward stares I got from total strangers. I would once again be content to treat every thread of clothing like gold, because I would need it to last for as long as possible, lest anything else fit me. I would be ok with breaking furniture, and not fitting into restaurant booths. I'd drop out of school again, because I would still feel as if I wasn't human enough to raise my hand and answer a question. I'd be spiteful to everyone I met, and suspicious, because I had to be mean to others before they had the chance to be the same to me.

I'd take it all back, because then, at least, I wouldn't have the opportunity to experience the heartbreak I am feeling right now.